Communication is so key to our lives! With our friends and loved ones, when we are driving…everything! Most people just think of talking when they think of communication or maybe social media, texting, phone calls, or emails. However, there are many other ways that we communicate with one another that do not always come to mind right away.

It is surprising to many people that we actually use nonverbal communication about half the time. The way we sit, where we place our arms, the look that we have on our face. Do you roll your eyes? Do you slouch in your chair? Are you sitting on your phone while your friend is trying to ask for advice? These are all ways that we send a message to the person we are talking to.

Good communication consists of eye contact, perhaps a nod of the head while bad communication consists of many things, including the list above.

President Gordon B. Hinckley once said something to the effect, “when it comes to marriage we need to communicate so clearly, not only to be understood, but so we cannot be misunderstood.” I wish I had remembered this quote when talking to my husband today about our plans tonight. Our conversation was over text, so of course that makes it just that much harder to understand what we are really trying to say, and I was at work, so I was not completely thinking about how he would read my response. When I arrived at home, we cleared things up and have resolved to do better when we are communicating, especially when it comes to plans for the evening, and if they include other friends, it is even more important to be on the same page.

It is not always easy to be on the same page as your spouse. When making decisions, there is an aspect of compromise, which can be challenging, especially - I imagine – when you are trying to make decisions about your children. However, that is why we have our loving Heavenly Father who has blessed us with prayer. With His help, we are better able to make decisions as a couple and as a family.

One thing that I have learned since being married (and from my sweet mother) is to never say things like, “you always”, “you never”, “all the time”, when blaming or criticizing. These things never seem to go over well. It is important to express yourself in a calm manner saying things like, “I feel…”, that way the other person does not feel accused or stupid. Dr. John Gottman advises spouses to use what he calls a “soft start up” when approaching your spouse with an issue that needs to be discussed. What he means by this is that we need to approach situations in a calm manner, listening to one another share feelings and suggestions and other thoughts.

It is also important to express appreciation and gratitude when beginning a counsel with your spouse and/or family. This way, the mood is set, and hopefully everyone is thinking positively. The last thing that I would like to mention when it comes to communicating with your spouse and specifically in making decisions… Include the Lord in all of the important decisions that you make. He has your best interest in in mind and He will never lead you astray. He has a perfect plan for you and He wants you to reach your full potential as His child. Our Heavenly Father trusts us, and that is why He has blessed us with your agency,  but we need that extra help from Him to be the best that we can be.